Draws on the author's roller-coaster experiences with limited opportunities, successes, and failures, to offer darkly humorous advice on surviving everything from riding elevators and gaining weight to finishing drinks and finding love.

How to ride an elevator -- How to feel like shit -- How to find love -- How to be fat -- How to be thin -- How to feel sorry for yourself -- How to be confident -- How to fail -- How to get the job -- How to shatter shame -- How to see the truth behind the truth -- How to end your life -- How to remain unhealed -- Why having it all is not -- How to get over your addiction to the past -- How to be a good mental patient -- How to make yourself uncomfortable (and why you should) -- How to finish your drink -- How to hold on to your dream or maybe not -- How to identify love by knowing what it's not -- How to live unhappily ever after -- How to feel less regret -- How to stop being afraid of your anger -- How to be sick -- How to lose someone you love -- How to let a child die -- How to change the world by yourself -- This is why.