Introduction -- Epitaph for Helen Joy Davidman -- When the house is empty -- Count the cost -- Killed every day -- Being an embarrassment -- Grief in childhood -- Going to Hell -- Where is she now? -- Memory can transfigure -- This dead flatness -- The darkness outside -- The evil of pain -- Is it not yet enough? -- Pain as God's megaphone -- Mortification -- The lifting of the sorrow -- Our failures are forgiven -- A horror to God -- Surrender and humiliation -- Too perfect to last -- The poison of hate-in-love -- No one minds about me at all -- The fatal flaw -- War makes death real -- Animal pain -- The pain is not the whole thing -- I feel very much an orphan -- This Vale of Tears -- The cure of death is dying.