For twenty-five years, Debby Irving sensed inexplicable racial tensions in her personal and professional relationships. As a colleague and neighbor, she worried about offending people she dearly wanted to befriend. As an arts administrator, she didn't understand why her diversity efforts lacked traction. As a teacher, she found her best efforts to reach out to students and families of color left her wondering what she was missing. Then, in 2009, one "aha!" moment launched an adventure of discovery and insight that drastically shifted her worldview and upended her life plan.

Childhood in white. What wasn't said -- Family values -- Race versus class -- Optimism -- Within the walls -- Midlife wake-up calls. From confusion to shock -- The GI Bill -- Racial categories -- White superiority -- The melting pot -- Headwinds and tailwinds -- Why didn't I wake up sooner? Icebergs -- Invisibility -- Zap! -- The whole story -- Logos and stereotypes -- Rethinking key concepts. My good people -- Color-blind -- My good luck -- My Robin Hood syndrome -- Twenty-five years of tossing and turning. Straddling two worlds -- Why do I always end up with white people? -- Diversity training -- Everyone is different; everyone belongs -- Belonging -- Surviving versus thriving -- Living into expectations -- I am the elephant -- Leaving my comfort zone. Intent and impact -- Feelings and the culture of niceness -- Courageous conversations -- Getting over myself -- Perception and fear -- Inner work. Becoming multicultural -- If only you'd be more like me -- The dominant white culture -- Boxes and ladders -- The rugged individual -- Equality starts with equity -- Bull in a China shop -- Outer work. From bystander to ally -- Solidarity and accountability -- From tolerance to engagement -- Listening -- Normalizing race talk -- Reclaiming my humanity. Whole again -- Tell me what to do!.